Never Mind The Bollocks

 

wtbollocks_i

Things I’ve learned from Buzzfeed.

1. The crisis in Greece is over.

2. We never sleep, we are only committing suicide, unable to pay debts or just play dead, like the little good boys we are.

3. The rest who can pay their debts have a variety of bars to drink enough to forget the dead.

4-5-6. We like to drink coffee and talk for hours. We like to talk about all the things that we should do and then we talk again. We’re really laid back, especially when our Government cancels basic human rights, working rights, privacy rights and then taxing the air that we breathe, while we work with an average 680-euro wage. Especially when we know that a small but very harmful amount of co-citizens voted Nazis inside our Parliament and a bigger but even more harmful amount of loungers didn’t bother to vote at all. I guess they were too busy supporting the cafe culture.

7. The city isn’t plagued by rules. Unless you’re caught by the fuzz with one joint of supergrass, a proper reason to face trial and possible jail time. You will not be all right.

8. We also have a huge airborne black polluted monster that covers both the seaside Mediterranean part and the inland historical center that is surrounded by mountains that we like to burn every summer.

9. There are dozens of great beaches nearby and we’ll make sure to take your money in most of them.

10-11. Breath taking view from the patios of an awfully designed and planned city made of cement and glass.

12. We were occupied more than once but some people, guess who, believe that this was a good thing, a necessary thing.

13. We have underappreciated museums. The places we can go and borough all the credit of someone else’s work and ideas and use them as ours. Then proceed and wear shirts like “When you were discovering meat we already had cholesterol”.

14. The fading elegance of Athens’ Monastiraki neighborhood and the bitter end of old Athens. I wonder who will buy all these buildings.

15. Besides museums, we also have street art. We’re modern; we’re just like you. Love us. Please.

16. We have really low rents and even lower wages.

17. We’re modern, in case you didn’t get it the first time, hip also, I wouldn’t call us hipster but the potentials are endless. Low priced areas and cool kids with American Express cards, dressing up as homeless, chilling and having a rebelliously good time.  You know the deal, visit soon.

18. At the now legendary Six D.O.G.S, we usually don’t pay the local bands that play live on our cool multi-space but charge entrance and gain profit just for ourselves. It’s all about art but not the artist. Some of them are pissed but thank god there are others waiting.

19. Rebetica. Traditional music made by mostly poor immigrants, anti-establishment figures, outlaws and drug users, in a period were Greece had a king and a queen and numerous aristocrats that kept this kind of music banned for many years. So let’s forget about the social and political substance of this music and talk again about food and drink and food and dancing. Cause we’re happy and laid back and modern. Please visit.

20. We also have this place called Bouzoukia. Bouzouki is the main instrument of this kind of music, but pain and love and loss and lots of explosions, hurricanes, natural disasters and alcohol and cigarettes and pain again, combined are the bigger picture of this culture. There you’ll have the chance to witness the decline of the western and eastern civilization in one night and pay a fortune for the dreadful sight.

21. There’s something wonderful about street kiosks where you can buy a beer, a box of Tylenol, a Byzantine flag (actually the flag is appointed to AEK fans, a greek football FC, notorious for the many hooligans its fandom consists of) or porn magazines. Really old school, vintage porn magazines that carry this aura of authenticity. Please visit.

22. Exarchia (above) might look like a rough neighborhood but appearances can be deceiving. It’s harmless. Unless you’re suddenly surrounded by the riot police squad, at the middle of the square and have nowhere to go until a dressed-up thug cracks your head up and sprays your face, as to make sure that you’ll get the message and stay off the streets and demonstrations.

23-24. Far from a tourist trap, Athens’ central market might just be the most authentic Mediterranean experience there is. Authenticity again, in case your nicely trimmed beard and tortoise glasses didn’t get it in the first place.

25-26-27-28. Foods. We have good food. You would love to instagram our food. Hell, you can also instagram our daughters if you want to.

29. We have mountains you can hike or hide when the police are after you because of your ideas, because you want to change something.

30. No clouds are blocking our skies only racism, homophobia, sexism, hooliganism, weird attachment to the christian church and worth-mentioned tradition that should be demolished forever from our culture, weird attachment to our long far-right history and it’s infamous heroes, weird attachment to the attitude of being aggressive and hostile against anything that looks different from us, are blocking our minds and most of all, are blocking our future.

31-32. You’re a few hours by boat from over one thousand stunning islands and few minutes away from a group of guys, wearing black and beating up an immigrant, a gay or a lesbian, a Roma or a leftist. Choose your destination carefully.

33. We also eternally justify our current worth through historical milestones that embraced the evolution of the western culture. We, the modern and hip Greeks didn’t do it but we will continue using “we, our, ours,” until we actually believe it. We only care about the glory of the past and we ‘re unable to bring or suggest something new from our current state. We’re completely doomed if we wait from brain-killing machines like Buzzfeed to fix our image. The image will change only if the mind is changed and be brave enough to question everything, even itself.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: